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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900937">cruel summer</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee'>thunderylee</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>KAT-TUN (Band), NewS (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Canon Universe, Gen, all the sads, angry massu, comfort nakamaru for everyone, quarantine what quarantine, somewhere there is thunder booming, taylor swift is a mood, tegogate, vehicular arson is bad don't do it</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 02:35:04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,622</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900937</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Massu didn’t know when his life became a Taylor Swift song, but he didn’t sign up for any of this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Masuda Takahisa/Nakamaru Yuichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>cruel summer</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i am not taking this well. clearly.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Massu didn’t know when his life became a Taylor Swift song, but he didn’t sign up for any of this. As much as he tries to pretend that everything’s fine in the days immediately following their <em>third</em> reformation, he suddenly understands how his sister felt when she would see her ex’s face on social media and screamed to anyone who would listen how much she just wanted him to disappear.</p><p>Massu’s not exactly screaming, but Nakamaru’s not exactly listening either when he cuts off Massu’s long-winded rant about the <em>nerve</em> of their latest defector doing a Q&amp;A with <em>their</em> fans and name-dropping <em>him </em>like they’re still friends after this and—</p><p>“You’re acting like he dumped you,” Nakamaru calls him out, and Massu scoffs indignantly. “Something you want to tell me?”</p><p>“Yeah, you’re an asshole,” Massu says. Nakamaru laughs. “You’re supposed to be comforting me!”</p><p>“I’ve been comforting you for four days!” Nakamaru exclaims. “What would your fans think if they saw you like this?”</p><p>“I bet they’re pissed off too!” Massu yells, his heart thumping between his ears as he lowers his voice. “He betrayed <em>all</em> of us, and for what? So he could keep talking about us on fucking Twitter?”</p><p>“You need to calm down,” Nakamaru says slowly, and Massu’s nerves singe even though Nakamaru’s the only one who’s allowed to talk to him like this. “I know you’re mad. I know you’re hurting, but yelling at me isn’t going to make you feel better.”</p><p>“Setting his car on fire would make me feel better,” Massu mumbles, only a little serious.</p><p>“Takahisa,” Nakamaru warns, and Massu pouts at him. “Have you cried yet?”</p><p>Massu blinks. “What?”</p><p>“Tears, you,” Nakamaru says, pointing at both of Massu’s narrowed eyes. “You’ve done nothing but rage since you got the news. Remember the hole we had to patch up in your wall the last time this happened? I don’t want you to get to that point again. You need to let it out.”</p><p>“I <em>hate</em> crying,” Massu whines. “It’s so gross and uncomfortable and I feel so weak and helpless.”</p><p>“Do you think Koyama is weak and helpless?” Nakamaru asks, earning Massu’s attention. “You’re not the only one who called me, you know. I feel like I should extend my professional comforting services to Kato too, except that would be weird.”</p><p>“Koyama cried?”</p><p>“Of course he did, he’s Koyama.” Nakamaru gives Massu a look so pointed that Massu almost laughs out loud. “Have you not talked to him either?”</p><p>“I don’t want them to see me like this,” Massu admits, hanging his head a little as he curls up with an obnoxiously ugly throw pillow on Nakamaru’s couch. “I need to be strong for them, and I can’t do that while I’m this mad. Every time I think I’m okay, I think about how he just walked away from everything we built together without so much as an apology.”</p><p>Nakamaru raises his eyebrow.</p><p>“I know how that sounds,” Massu hisses. “And for your information, all of my actual relationship breakups have been amiable.”</p><p>Nakamaru shrugs as he settles at the other end of the couch. “You weren’t with any of them for seventeen years. I get it, even if you think I don’t.”</p><p>Massu sighs, <em>finally</em> calming down as this bout of rage subsides for the time being. It’s so exhausting to be angry, and yet it’s been his default setting for four days. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive him, Yuichi. This wasn’t like the other times. He <em>burned </em>us.”</p><p>“You don’t have to forgive him,” Nakamaru tells him. “But you do need to mourn him.”</p><p>“He’s not dead!” Massu exclaims. “I don’t wish him harm either. That definitely wouldn’t make me feel better.”</p><p>“Mourn what you had together,” Nakamaru clarifies. “Say a proper goodbye to four-member NEWS. You cannot move on until you let go of him. He’s already let go of you.”</p><p>Massu feels the pain welling inside of him, squashing it down instinctively. “It hurts so much.”</p><p>“I know.” Nakamaru’s face softens, and Massu feels his resolve breaking down. “If you don’t want to cry in front of me, fine. Go home right now and do it.”</p><p>“I think...” Massu starts, inhaling sharply as his eyes squeeze shut. “I think it would be okay to do it here.”</p><p>Nakamaru heaves a sigh so loud that Massu feels it in his soul. “Thank<em> god</em>. Come here already.”</p><p>“Too hot,” Massu starts to complain, but then the tears come and he’s nearly knocked over by the tidal wave of pressure that takes him over. He leans forward to push his face into his hands and arms wrap around him, loose and gentle as Massu replaces his hands with Nakamaru’s shoulder.</p><p>He thinks about how everything’s changing again, how he’d come to trust that this would be their final form, how foolish he feels for believing in that. For believing in <em>him</em>, his stupid pretty face and carefully-curated words that always managed to get under Massu’s skin. He never grew up, he’s been self-absorbed since they were kids, the world has revolved around that one since the day he was born and will cease to exist once he’s gone.</p><p>A world that Massu isn’t a part of anymore. He doesn’t doubt that he could be, he even met Yamashita for a meal eventually, but it won’t be the same as seeing him almost every day and upholding that special connection they’ve shared since Massu was sixteen years old even when he was so annoyed he wanted to punch him in his cute nose. That connection has been severed, and <em>that’s</em> what hurts, that’s what has Massu sobbing into Nakamaru’s shoulder like someone really did die, because what they’ve had for so long is gone and there’s an empty clover-leaf-shaped space in Massu’s heart.</p><p>And Massu has to watch him move forward with whatever he’s got planned for the rest of his career. His face is <em>everywhere</em>, splashed on the morning news programs and all over social media just like he wanted. For the unforeseeable future, Massu has to stand there and pretend to support him because he’s a professional and a role model and he <em>needs</em> to be the better person here.</p><p>Maybe someone else will gas and match that flashy Lamborghini and arrange the remaining charred parts into the word SORRY so he will remember to say it next time he pulls everyone’s world out from under them.</p><p>Massu calms down enough to catch his breath, but Nakamaru doesn’t let him go. It’s not the first time Nakamaru has seen him cry, but it’s been a long time and Massu forgot how nice it feels to be held like this, the unconditional love that pours from Nakamaru’s body everywhere he’s pressed against Massu. The body heat is almost unbearable in midsummer but Massu can’t let go, in fact he extends his own arms to wrap around Nakamaru’s thin torso and squeezes him with everything he hasn’t already cried out.</p><p>“There you go,” Nakamaru says quietly, his voice barely a breath dusting Massu’s hair. He tightens his embrace and for a brief second Massu feels a little less like his heart is breaking. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it’ll get easier as time goes on. I promise you.”</p><p>“I know that,” Massu chokes out, his unnatural vulnerability making him even more defensive, though he doesn’t loosen his grip. “Can we stay like this a little longer?”</p><p>“We can stay like this forever,” Nakamaru replies, and Massu’s heart aches all over again.</p><p>“I don’t believe in forever anymore,” he says bitterly.</p><p>“This one really did a number on you, huh?” Nakamaru pulls back enough to lean their foreheads together, the air stinging Massu’s cheeks. If they aren’t already red, they are now. “In that case, we can stay like this for tonight.”</p><p>Massu starts to nod, then jumps when he feels the soft pad of Nakamaru’s fingers brushing his face. Thumbs swipe under his eyes and Massu squashes down a different type of feeling.</p><p>“Careful or I might fall in love with you,” he teases.</p><p>His vision is blurry, but he clearly sees Nakamaru feign offense. “You mean you’re not already?”</p><p>Massu tries to shove at him, but ends up back against his chest, the slow heartbeat more soothing than any words. He’s very aware that they’re cuddling now and he doesn’t care, he needs this and it’s the most pleasant feeling he’s had in days. Right now, everything is perfect and nothing hurts, and he wants to cling to this lie as long as he can.</p><p>“Thank you,” he says a few moments later, when his own heartbeat has slowed down to match the one thumping against his ear. “I’m grateful for you.”</p><p>“I <em>am</em> amazing,” Nakamaru replies, and Massu just rolls his sore eyes. “You’re lucky to have me. Koyama too.”</p><p>“I should call him,” Massu thinks out loud, inhaling deeply as he regains his composure for the first time in almost a week. “He needs me, not you.”</p><p>“You can call him tomorrow,” Nakamaru says, clamping his arms around Massu like there’s a chance in hell he’s actually going to move. “Stay with me tonight.”</p><p>Massu just nods, absorbing the comfort like a dried out sponge. He needs strength if he’s going to be strong for Koyama, and right now he feels completely depleted. But the longer he stays like this, the more he feels like he can be the rock he has to be right now, for Koyama and Shige and their fans, and nobody else matters—except maybe the one who’s giving him strength right now.</p><p>By morning, he might be invincible.</p>
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